It’s based this time on compatibility and understanding one another’s values. In other words, there’s no meanness, there’s no power struggles, no ‘my way is the right way,’ those kinds of things.” Of course, to ensure shared values, there is a catch: Namely, you need to explore one another’s values while you are in the process of committing to a relationship.Ask the question: Do we believe the same things in life are important?Even The Little Mermaid — the original Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, not the treacly Disney movie — winds up rejected by the handsome prince and dies.In literature and legend, at least, it’s tough to bring two different worlds together.Things like physical attractiveness, having a good sense of humor, making good money, being a nice person and physical attractiveness (okay, I said it already, but I hear it a lot).Searching my memory, I failed to come up with a single example of someone saying: “Oh, I’ve just met the most wonderful person. ” The elders’ advice, however, is that alignment of values are precisely what we should look for if we want a long, happy marriage.However, dating a plus-sized girl can mean encountering some sensitive subjects and situations that may make her feel uncomfortable.Enjoy problem-free dates with the special plus-sized girl in your life by being prepared.
To my surprise, their advice was nearly unanimous: Opposites may attract, but they don’t usually make for great and lasting marriages.People happily married for decades (and social scientists) don’t tell you unconditionally to avoid marrying someone who is different from you, but with whom you are deeply in love.They just want you to recognize that if you marry someone with values very different from yours, you are much more likely to face complex challenges in married life.We both loved to travel, and we had a sense of adventure. We had very similar values in terms of our kids and what we wanted for them.We liked the same people and I think that’s important. The wisdom of the elders is very consistent with research findings over the past several decades.
Social scientists who study marriage look for two things over the long term: marital stability (how long the marriage lasts) and marital quality (the sense of satisfaction and well-being partners experience).